I'll Find My Way

Today marks the 3rd Rejab in the islamic calender. That means in less than 2 months, Ramadhan will "visit" us soon. The holy month, full of blessings. Ramadhan on the way :)

Deep down in my heart I had this feeling of uneasiness. At times I couldn't help but to feel useless with myself. I felt guilty for neglecting my duties as a Muslim. Have I gone astray? Remorseful? Is that what I'm feeling right now? It always came to my mind that I should "repent" before it's too late. But I tend to procrastinate.

Thinking about death freak me out. When night fall and when I wake up, I felt relieved that I am still alive. When it's dark, I get scared thinking of death. "Aku takut akan siksaan kubur"...  It's a total darkness inside the grave. I will be alone awaiting to be judge by the " angels" on duty regarding my "good deeds"(amalan sewaktu hidup) and whatever I have done throughout my lifetime. I will be question. There's no way to run or anyone to help. It's just between me and the almighty.

Dear Allah please forgive all my sins towards you and the rest.


I Believe I'll Find My Way:

I felt restless and useless. Apart from the religious reason stated above, there's another reasons that leads to my frustration. I have to admit I get frustrated with my life. With all the things that I went through, I'm just pissed off. One after another. But to think back in a clear state of mind, I shouldn't feel that way. Life has never been on a smooth ride. Life is like a spinning wheel. Filled with ups and down.

When there's a will, there's a way. Frustration after failure is unavoidable. But I cannot let my emotions control over my life. I believe there's a reason behind everything that happened. Ada hikmah di sebalik setiap kejadian.

Whenever I think of giving up, I remembered this lyrics. Thank you Maher Zain for inspiring me and the rest with your music. I was touched by the lyrics!

" Don't despair and never lose hope coz Allah is always by your side"

21,105,930 views on Youtube within 2 years! Congrats!

Insya Allah

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on

You feel so lost

And That you're so alone

All you see is night

And darkness all around

You feel so helpless

You can't see which way to go

Don't despair and never lose hope

Cause Allah is always by your side

Chorus:
Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah you'll find your way

Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah you'll find your way

Every time you commit one more mistake

You feel you can't repent

And that it's way too late

You're so confused, wrong decisions you have made

Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame
But don't despair and never lose hope

Cause Allah is always by your side

Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah you'll find your way

Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah you'll find your way

Turn to Allah

He's never far away

Put your trust in Him

Raise your hands and pray

OOO Ya Allah

Guide my steps don't let me go astray

You're the only one who can show me the way

Show me the way [x3]

Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah we'll find our way

Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah we'll find our way

Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah we'll find our way

Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah we'll find our way

Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah we'll find our way

Insha Allah [x2]

Insha Allah we'll find our way

 http://www.metrolyrics.com/insha-allah-lyrics-maher-zain.html#ixzz1vnCd11tT 
Copied from MetroLyrics.com





 I ♥ MY LIFE :)

p.s.: I still have a few pending post in my drafts. Half way through in completing them. I have an entry regarding "mummy's day". Still in a process of gathering photos of my gorgeous mum ;)
I think it shall be posted next month. I'm quite "tide up" this month. Busy running some errands...

Random Quotes Of The Day

Random Quotes of the Day ; Taken from various twitter accounts that I followed. I may also include quotes that I came across along the way. Just for sharing! Sharing is Caring!

Learn from your past, move on, grow stronger. People are fake, but let your trust last longer. Do what you got to do, but always stay true.

I think I’ve finally come to the point in my life where I’m happy with myself & I don’t have to change for people to like me anymore. 

I like this quote:

"Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble." - John Madden

 I ♥ MY LIFE :)

Random Quotes of é Day

"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." - William James

Is Being Single a Problem?

Seriously, I get tired of this! I was often bombarded with this type of question. Of many other questions they can ask, why mention regarding relationship status? And the list goes on.

So nice of them... After not seeing one another for quite sometime, the first question that pop up is status? Is it that important for them to know? Obviously they will be invited if the time have come for me to settle down. So why is there a need of asking all these continuously?

This happen especially during wedding receptions I attended and even during my meet up with friends and previous colleagues from the past.

The FAQ:
"When is your turn girl?"
"Come on girl, at your current age don't tell me you're still unattached? Don't hide your status..."
"Are you being choosy?"
"I have friends whose interested to get to know you. They notice you the other day during the gathering. Want me to introduce them to you?" They can be very direct in asking me right away!

Pls stop!

Why should I hide? I have already said once, twice that I am currently single. Why can't they just believe what I've said! That's their problem if they choose not to believe. Irritating you see!

I'm not being choosy. But I feel like perhaps it's not time for me to be more open about myself to strangers. I have not met someone that I feel he's the one. I'm somehow reserved? Yes, I'm rather quiet and reserved to strangers or acquaintance.

Fine, some friends of my age are already married and welcome their first new born baby. The rest are either engaged, currently in a relationship and there's even a few who is unattached like me. There's even some who are currently pursuing their studies in the universities.

Please for once, stop asking me all that! You are making me stress. Relationship is not my current priority. I have others that I prioritize in my life. But I will not reject if at any point of time I meet someone that manage to open my heart in acceptance of his love.

Being Single?


Advantages being single: I'm not tied up with any commitments so that means I have more time on my own to achieve my goals and dreams in life. More time with family and friends.

I don't see a problem in being single? It's a matter on how you carry out yourself. I'm happy with my life. Just take the positive side. Perhaps it's not the time yet for me to meet that "someone". I strongly believe that if it's meant to be, it shall be. True love will come one day. It's just a matter of time. There's not a need to rush and chase love. Just go with the flow. True love will find it's way.

For once, I'm not even 25. Please don't rush me out. I hate when ask of the target age to settle down. To me, Age is not a measure of maturity. Only time can define maturity.

 I ♥ MY LIFE :)

Recruitment Drive

Yesterday I went for a recruitment drive at Toa Payoh Biz Hub 3. It was an event conducted by Service Connections, a recruitment agency. I came to know about this event from NECDC.

I was among the first 20 to arrive at the venue. I came at 10:35am but somehow couldn't find my way to the lift lobby. I ended up walking around the HDB Hub. I even went up at the wrong lobby and ended up in the wrong place. There's actually 2 CDC office located at the Biz Hub. That's the reason why I get confused. I did not pay attention to the lift lobby no but only the building name which is Biz Hub 3. I went straight up as soon as I saw the CDC office stated at the board listings. I know it's my mistake for not paying close attention to the details.

I went in the room and was given a form to fill in my particulars etc... My queue no is 12. It was quite fast. I only need to wait for about less than an hour before my number is called out. There was 2 recruitment consultants conducting the interview sitting next to one another. For me, it was not really an interview. It was rather a "pre-screen" conducted by the consultant to match the suitable job for the job seekers. I was told that I need to wait a bit longer before they contact me. Another waiting time! Sigh...

I have been through a lot of these with different kind of recruitment agencies all this while. S.C. just add to number of agencies I've registered to. Sometimes I still feel tired will all of these.  I know it requires hard work and determination to achieve success. But after many failures, I can't avoid the feeling of disappointment and frustration.

Rejected even before trying. I never get selected for any interviews. Perhaps I lack effort in my applications. I admit I don't apply for jobs daily. Sometimes it just happens that when I log into the job portals, there's nothing that suits me. When that happens, I get frustrated and stop job search immediately. Focus is what I need but it's difficult to control my mood.

The seniors was saying to me  that it will not be difficult for me to get a job as I am still very young. But the struggle during the searching process is tiring and frustrating for me. It's not a matter of age but a matter of determination,confidence and luck. I lack confidence especially when I have to communicate with the rest. I wish I had the confidence in me. How I wish I could...



I wasn't feeling too well today. The season of flu have just begin! I have to cancel all the appointments I had for today. Feel so bad about it. Will need to re-schedule everything. Just another day in my life. Falling sick is unavoidable these days.

Abusive Mum

Just for sharing...

I get a shock of my life upon watching this video. I can't believe a mum who gave birth to this poor baby have the heart to treat her baby like this. It's way too cruel & inhuman. Even an animal love their new offspring.

The poor baby was beaten, thrown with a remote, pinch and kick! Brutal sia!


The mum was arrested and imprisonment for 18 months. This video is circulating via facebook according to PDRM(Polis Di Raja Malaysia) Malaysian Police Force. Finally few uploader began to reupload the video in youtube.

A Year Older

Can't believe I am already a year older! Can still be consider as "young" though. I describe myself as a teenager whom have just started to enter the adult stage of life. There's still a lot to learn in life. I admit I still behave like a kid at times. There's nothing to feel embarrass about admitting the " childish kid in me"...

Like hello... I'm not even 25. Can still be accepted as young adult.

My 21st B'day Cake > I'm Forever 21 ;) 

Taken sometime ago. Definitely not this year ;)

I feel so blessed. Thank you Allah for allowing me to live this far... No such thing as birthday celebration this year just like the previous year. No mood for that. I only went out for a dinner with my close ones.

Being single and having friends whom are busy with their own schedules.. What a life I have? But never mind because I am happy with my life. Close ones are hoping that I will meet my Mr Right any sooner but I don't want to think about it yet. There are more other things to focus on.

B'day Dine-In 2012

I feel the same just like any normal days. I don't feel special on this day. Without my mum's presence, I don't feel the excitement. A wish from the woman who gave birth to us is different as compared to the rest. Four years ago, I felt excited upon hearing a birthday wish from her but now, not anymore. I can no longer hear that voice ever again. I just wanna say thank you mum for giving birth to me and allowing me to see this world.  

This year, I barely received any wishes from people around me. Be it relatives or friends. In fact, none from my relatives. Despite the birthday reminder in facebook, none actually bother to post a birthday wish on my wall. Am I the only one who will keep posting birthday wishes to friends (if I happen to log into facebook)?  Always forgotten by the rest..  

Majority of them were my classmates and schoolmates. They are the ones who added me on facebook and the first one to forget about my existence.

Sometimes, I can't avoid the feeling of "disappointment" if none REMEMBERS despite the reminder in facebook. A simple wish will certainly make my day. But every year it's the same thing. I felt so "un-exist"...  I totally feel sad about it.

What else can I say? This is reality. That's life! When you have everything, everyone will acknowledge you and be your friend. But if you have nothing, only a few (close family and true friends) will stand by your side. Sometimes I am thankful that I only have a few friends rather than a bunch of fake people around. It's not quantity but quality that matters.

I'm ending this...

Thank you Allah for everything that you have given me. Thank you mum for giving birth to me. You are dearly missed by everyone. I truly yearn for your love ♥ and presence. But I'm aware every beginning will came to and end. I'm not ready for your loss but I have to accept the reality. Missing you always :'(

Di Sebalik Kata Tersirat Maksud Tertentu

Petikan Dialog Dari Episod Terakhir Drama Cinta Buat Emelda. Tersirat Makna yang dalam! Sweet!

Aril Fatah:

Saya ada dua mata untuk melihat namun saya tak mampu untuk memandang

Saya ada dua tangan untuk memegang namun saya tak mampu untuk mencapai

Saya ada dua kaki untuk berjalan namun saya tak mampu untuk melangkah

Tapi saya cuma ada satu hati yang mana saya yakin mampu untuk mencintai awak sehingga ke akhir hayat saya

Emelda:

Kadang-kadang Allah berikan hujan & lumpur pada kita       

Sesekali Allah kurniakan petir

Kita jadi risau, sedih, takut

Tapi selepas hujan, rupa-rupanya Allah hadiahkan kita pelangi  

Di antara OST Dari drama CBE:

Kehilangan - Firman

Ku coba ungkap tabir ini
Kisah antara kau dan aku
Terpisahkan oleh ruang dan waktu
Menyudutkanmu meninggalkanku

Ku merasa tlah kehilangan

Cintamu yang tlah lama hilang
Kau pergi jauh karena salahku
Yang tak pernah menganggap kamu ada

Asmara memisahkan kita
Mengingatkanku pada dirimu
Gelora mengingatkanku
Bahwa cintamu tlah merasuk jantungku

Sejujurnya ku tak bisa
Hidup tanpa ada kamu aku gila
Seandainya kamu bisa
Mengulang kembali lagi cinta kita

Takkan ku sia-siakan kamu lagi

http://youtu.be/2GGSvyAtYAU

 Di Sebalik Kata Tersirat Maksud Tertentu. Renungkanlah...

I Wish I Could Hold Back Time

Countdown shall commence but I'm not in a mood... Tomorrow shall be a new beginning in my life. I wish today never ends.

I'm not prepared to face the challenges ahead. Sometimes I don't understand myself.

I don't even know why I started writing this entry in the first place. It seems meaningless & pointless. I have no plans on what I'm about to write. I am definite any readers that stop by my blog will think that it's a total crap on what I'm writing down here. I am not even sure why I log into my blog at this hour. To kill time or boredom?

The house felt a complete emptiness & extremely quiet at this hour. Wait... It's nothing unusual if the house seems quiet. There's only a few staying here. But what about this area? Have everyone in this housing estate gone to sleep? Silence is what I'm experiencing right now unlike usual.

If only I can Freeze The Time...

24 hours in a day is never enough. Poor time management? Seriously I'm tired thinking of what's goina happen in times to come. Honestly, I am mentally tired. My insomnia is getting worse as days goes by. I have not been sleeping for more than 24 hours. Nearly 2 days to be exact. Today I felt terrible. Unfocused state of mind the entire day. Sometimes I just feels like taking a bottle of sleeping pills. Wait... I don't intend to commit suicide. Don't get me wrong. I know ending our life purposely is a sin. I still hold on to my faith!

One thing for sure, I really am tired of everything that happen in my life. Frustrated and disappointed... My heart is shattered into thousand pieces... With some "fake" people around that adds to it. What could be worst than that. I pretend that nothing happen and try my best to put on a smile throughout but deep inside, I'm crying. Only God knew what I felt and went through.

I am actually a very private person. I don't enjoy talking about my personal life such as family but some people simply couldn't get enough of it. The more I try to avoid, the more they will touch on family issues. Enough please! It's the human nature I guess. We can never get satisfied with what we have. We demand more & more.

Even though I blog about my personal life but there is a line that I won't cross. Some things are best to be kept untold. I will never reveal anything that's too personal. I may rant about certain things but I try to hide certain factors such as the related parties identities will be kept confidential.

Thank you mum for giving birth to me. I am missing you :'(

A year older but forever young at heart. I wish to be a better person in times to come. Insya Allah...

I Wish I Could Hold Back time :'(

Here's a song "awaken" by Maher Zain. A song that touched my heart. I used this song as a reflection on  life.

http://youtu.be/N4G0fdh_Ty0

AWAKEN

We were given so many prizes 

We changed the desert into oasis
We built buildings of different lengths and sizes
And we felt so very satisfied 

We bought and bought
We couldn't stop buying
We gave charity to the poor 'cause
We couldn't stand their crying 

We thought we paid our dues
But in fact
To ourselves we're just lying

Oh...I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We were told what to buy and we'd bought
We went to London, Paris and Costa Del Sol
We made show we were seen in the most exlusive shops
Yes we felt so very satisfied

We felt our money gave us infinite power

We forgot to teach our children about history and honor
We didn't have any time to lose
When we were.. (were)
So busy feeling so satisfied

I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We became the visuals without a soul
despite the heat
Our homes felt so empty and cold
To fill the emptiness
We bought and bought
Maybe all the fancy cars
And bling will make us feel satisfied

My dear brother and sister
It's time to change inside
Open your eyes
Don't throw away what's right aside
Before the day comes
When there's nowhere to run and hide
Now ask yourself 'cause Allah's watching you

Is He satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?

Oh..I'm walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I'm walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it's easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/awaken_lyrics_maher_zain.html
All about Maher Zain: http://www.musictory.com/music/Maher+Zain

Our smile is a light that may illuminate the darkness in others hearts, it costs nothing but can give everything :)

 I ♥ MY LIFE :)

Quotes of é Day

"Time sets the stage; fate writes the script; but only we may choose our character." - Liam Thomas Ryder