Friday, October 15, 2010

October 1st entry

It's been about 3 1/2 months since I last blog. There's so many things that I wanna write down but I juz don't know how to and what to write. My mind is like a maze. It's all stuck up down here.

When May finally enters, I know that this is the time that I will be a year older. This year would be a special year as well as a sad moment for me. This year I'm 21 but I felt so unprepared. There's so many things that I'll need to endure.

I'm totally sad coz this year is the 1st year I'm celebrating my birthday without my mum. Although I'm not closed with her throughout her entire life, I still appreciate her as the woman who gave birth to me. Thank you for bringing me into this world. Without her, I won't be here today. I missed a motherly love.

When the waited day finally arrived, there's no celebration at all. No birthday cakes like it always do annually.Totally nothing. sERIOUSLY, i DON'T feel like celebrating it. Usually when someone turns 21, there will somehow have a so-called 21st birthday bash juz like what my mum sister used to tell me. They have a 21st birthday celebration organised by their parents. But unfortunately, I don't have a chance to experience that. But whatever it is, I'm thankful for whatever I have right now. Alhamdulillah.

The other reason for me feeling sad is that on the very same month, it will be one year in loving memory for my mum. How time flies real quick. I wanna show it to my mum that finally I make it for my exam. I may failed once but I don't wanna failed for the second time. Alhamdulillah, thank you allah for granting me my wish. My mum will definitely be happy if she knows about this when she's still around.

Walau apapun, takdir berkata lain. ALLAH lebih menyayanginya. Ajalnya telah pun tiba. Aku tak mampu berkata-kata lagi. Pasrah dan ikhlaskan segala yang telah terjadi. Aku percaya setiap kejadian pasti ada hikmahnya.

P.S.: I hope to be more wise, mature than before at this age. Hopefully. Dear Allah, pls guide me to the right path

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