The Thought Of It Scares Me Off

One month had already past in 2012. That means less than 11 months for it's departure. I couldn't believe it will be this quick. What else could I say? Everything is happening in a speed of a time. It seems like yesterday, I was at the countdown party celebration awaiting for 2012. But now, everything seems like a rush.

How was the beginning of 2012 been?

For me, everything past real quick. Things happens in disbelieve. I heard the passing of several people such as celebrities etc... I have yet to achieve or accomplish success, something in life.


It says that 2012 is the "end" but I  really hope it's not.

Honestly, thinking of death totally scares me off. I'm not prepared to leave this world. I may be young but death does not counts any age. Young or old, everyone will leave when the time have come.

I just hope and pray to الله‎ Allah not to take my life any sooner. I'm not prepared. There's still so many things undone & yet to be accomplished. Before death is approaching me, I wanna be a good or better "muslimah"... Like many other muslim's I have a wish to perform a pilmirage to Mecca to perform both "umrah" & "haj"...

If my time have come, I hope to be able to die in peace, leaving this world in a "husnul khatimah".. (Meninggal dalam keadaan yang beriman, "husnul khatimah") I hope to seek forgiveness from anyone who knew me.

Sometimes it ever came across my mind if I'm such a burden to everyone around me, perhaps it's better for me to leave this world forever. It ever happened at one point of a time, I wish that perhaps it's best if Allah take my life away so that I won't be a nuisance or burden to the rest. I was thinking that upon my departure, everyone shall live in peace. They won't have to bother about me.

But to think again, I'm not prepared. "Aku belum bertaubat." I've not fully repented. "Aku takut akan siksaan, panasnya api neraka." The thought of "neraka" the heat of the flames from the hell, scares me off.

I'm ending my entry for now. Till the next time. Cherio peeps :)

Aku perlu mendalami pengetahuan tentang agama. Banyak lagi yang harus aku pelajari. Perintah agama harus segera dilaksanakan. Tapi... Kenapa aku sering alpa & sering meninggalkan apa yang wajib atau dituntut dalam agama. Aku ingin berubah tapi kenapa segalanya begitu sukar? Ya الله‎  Allah, kau bimbing lah aku ke jalan yang benar. Kau tunjukkan lah jalannya. Aku berserah padamu.


 (Translation on what I wrote above. I hope for guidance from الله‎ Allah, the almighty, to be a better person.)

Thank you الله‎ for everything.... I'm thankful for what's provided for me :)