I don't realize time flies this quick! One more week & I will turn a year older. But there's nothing that I achieve towards my final week of being 22nd. I'm no longer excited when my birthday is approaching. I feel nothing. All I really want is a wish from my beloved mum. I yearn for a motherly love all this while. I wish she is here.
Mum, thank you for allowing me to see this world. I appreciate all the sacrifices you did to raise us. And you ended up spending less quality time for us. You are the sole breadwinner for your kids. We can never thank you enough.
Sometimes I often wonder why can't you always be there for me? Why can't you just stay home & take care of us just like other kids. Now I knew the reason. You work hard day & night to provide food for us. I admit that I ever hate you for not loving me as much as you love your son but then it no longer matters as I grown up. You love your kids equally at the end of the day.
Being the youngest, I felt that you love me lesser as compare to the rest. Your attention is given more to him than me. Sorry mum, there is no such thing as "siblings rivalry" in my dictionary. I love my sibling unconditionally because we are related. Blood is thicker than water. But I just felt that you love me less just because I'm born as a girl. Perhaps you prefer all your kids to be boys.
Mum, now I'm all ALONE in this world. After you left, I felt a complete emptiness in my heart. My life seems meaningless. I do not know which path do I take? I can't decide on my own. I need you to discuss about my daily life issues, problems, etc.. Mum, yes I'm a grown up now but I am not ready enough to face problems along the way. Life is tough! I'm all alone in this battle.
Who do I share my thoughts & unhappiness to? Friends? They are busy with their own life. Sooner or later, they will settle down with their partner. But what about me? I'm all alone... Whenever I think about this, it teared me up. I'm not strong enough to face this.
Mum, I know I shouldn't complain because I still have your beloved loving sister with me all this while. She did a good job. You made the perfect decision in choosing her to be the one taking care of your one and only daughter.. I'm really being well taken care of & I'm thankful for that. Ever since you are ill, she's the one managing my welfare. She provide me with all that I need. But I don't want to be a burden to her. That's why I often stress myself out to start applying for jobs.
Mum, please pray for me that my luck will come soon. Sesungguhnya doa seorang ibu seumpama doa nabi terhadap umatnya. I believe Allah will listen to your prayers from up there.
Mum I want you by my side but I know Allah loves you more. That's why He take you to be with him. Rest in peace mum. My prayers goes out to you. Insya-Allah. Al-Fatihah...
Our smile is a light that may illuminate the darkness in others hearts, it costs nothing but can give everything :)
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